I Want to Steal your Babies
by Sprintjump
Summary: (Post Tarturos AU where Dragons Somehow Stay) In which Skaidrum wants grandchildren, and seeks helps from everyone's favorite matchmaker and a supposedly dead demon. Add in obsessive dragons and an impassive dragon slayer, you're bound to get a recipe for destruction. RoLu! Collab with Farry45.
1. The Real Chapter 1

Skiadrum was a very down to earth dragon, he knew what was right and what was wrong, he knew the world was filled with whites, blacks, and greys, but one thing he did not understand was how his 'son', much beloved by many, was still without a mate. Skiadrum thought he had done something wrong while raising Rouge, maybe he had messed up. Sting was poking through the pool of eligible human females (What did you call those anyway?) and had probably already chosen a mate, but Rouge remained without a partner in the game of love.

The shadow dragon sighed. He was sure that his son had been attracted to someone or the other in his life yet. After all, humans were known for their rather strange hormones, but how could his son become so introverted and impassive. Is it possible that the mage was into... men? He was raised as a dragon was raised, so he should have picked up mating, so what was it?

Skiadrum did not want his son involved with men, not because of prejudice or anything of that sort, but merely because the lack of reproductive compatibility between the one gender. Skiadrum wanted grandhatchlings, millions of them (at least that idea was in his head). A secret he would never admit, he loved adorable babies, and in Skiadrum's mind his key to a human offspring within close reach was his ward Rouge. Not to say he was merely using Rouge, he loved his son so much, but the thought of cooing infants that were technically related him sent a warm hum throughout the dragon. This the ache of a grandparent, and he wanted to make sure that the ache was rested.

Skaidrum looked over to his dear friend Weisslogia. There was no doubt, not the slightest question of Sting's sexuality. They were both pretty positive that Sting had found a mate and mated already, and Metalicana, Grandine, and Igneel's children had already found their mates as well. All their children had to do was the deed itself, but, with Rogue, one simply had to question when he would find someone he cherished and protected because there wasn't life without them.

Rouge had remained chaste since the dragons went, came, and lived.

Skiadrum faced his opposite, Weisslogia, and watched the interaction between him and Sting. The Light Dragon Slayer was bold and daring, but Rouge was calm and submissive. He didn't stand up for himself, yet he did back down. Rouge was calmly seated at Skiadrum's chest, listening to Sting's version of the GMGs and how it was 'pure luck' that the other two dragon slayers won. Rouge neither interjected nor denied, but listened. Rouge's sense of understanding and self esteem was immeasurable, but no one seemed to notice. Rouge had never really gotten close to a member of the opposite sex, although Skiadrum knew Rouge had his fancies with certain women, but he never built on his feelings. In Skiadrum's mind, this got in the way of babies.

Still, The Shadow Dragon understood why his son wouldn't speak of the battles that week in July, when all the dragons had come out of the eclipse gate. Four hundred years back, Skaidrum had been controlled by the shadows and drove to kill the humans due to immense greed and lust for blood, but the shadows know when they're getting nothing from a human.

This was another reason that the dragon wanted his son to find a mate. The love him and his mate share will conquer and the demons will move on to another unsuspecting human. If his son finds love, as his father did in the beautiful Celestial Dragon ..., then he will stop being tormented, his future will become brighter, and he will smile. Then, he will have beautiful babies that Skaidrum will kidnap. But he didn't plan on telling his son that, and he would bring the children back. Possibly.

After Sting's 'believable' story, Skiadrum signal to Weisslogia that he was to speak, and continued to do so to his son.

"Rouge?" the shadow dragon asked.

His turned to look up at him with his red eyes, watching his movements with his snake pupils.

"Yes?" He answered.

Skiadrum looked at his son's face. "Won't you elaborate on the mages from Fairy Tail? That Celestial Spirit one who is so close to Igneel's son?"

Sting smirked and Rouge's face had a flash of uncertainty. "Um, L-Lucy H-Heartfillia?" Rouge questioned.

Skiadrum nodded.

Rouge scratched his head. "Well, she's from Fairy Tail, and, um, a girl?" He answered.

"No duh!" Sting yelled out.

Rouge gave him a glare, then looked back Skiadrum. "W-Why do you ask?"

Weisslogia chuckled. "He has his reasons...and suspicions".

All was quiet for a moment, then it felt as though the ground shook.

A deep rumbling was heard, as well as the flapping wings of the fire, sky, and iron dragons. Their children were not in sight, and they landed gracefully next to the other two dragons, despite their size.

Of course the dragons with their superb abilities had heard the entire conversation.

"You weren't told? Did the Celestial Mage, my son, and Grandeeny's daughter tell anybody?" asked Igneel.

The other dragons and the twin dragon slayers give him questioning looks.

Igneel sighed. "Guess not. Remember Eclipse?"

The others flinched. It had not been time yet for the dragons to appear during said battle, and they felt bad about not being able to. The dragon slayers had felt bad about not slaying a dragon, and Rogue, felt bad knowing that it was his future self's fault.

Igneel continued. "There wasn't only a future Rogue. The Celestial Spirit Mage, Lucy Heartfilia, had traveled back in time to save her friends from the dragons. When Lucy, her future self, my son, and Grandeeny's daughter had run into Future Rogue, he attempted to kill her present self because she would close the gate, as she did. But last second her future self jumped in front of her and ended up dying." He sighed. "Natsu had mentioned not telling their guild, but you deserve to know. That was their most traumatizing part of the whole thing.

"My son tried to destroy the world" Skiadrum said, unamused. "Why can't he have that confidence NOW?"

Rouge, still amazed at how the other dragons had come out of nowhere, looked away as his cheeks reddened.

"Sting, go back to Sabertooth", Weisslogia said in a no-nonsense voice, commanding his son. Sting growled, but protested no more. The Light Dragon Slayer stalked off.

Skiadrum turned to his son, "I've got you now."

Rouge nervously made a noise, being cornered by five dragons was not on the bucket list.

Grandine cleared her throat and accidentally knocked over tree. "We have come to the realization that one of the dragon children remains chaste and single. You Rouge are the only one left, and we must tie up you as a loose end ".

Rouge turned red. He got cornered by five dragons to stop him from being single?

Rouge backed up against Skiadrum's chest and looked up with wide eyes. If one of these other dragons wanted to eat he'd be a goner.

Only Skiadrum would watch out for him.

Skiadrum, however, would have none of this and pushed Rouge away with his nose, sending him Grandine's way. The wind dragon moved her feathered head to Rouge's height and eyed him intensely. "You brought this on yourself, young man".

"Do not chastise me when I've done nothing wrong", Rouge shouted, a boost of courage surging through himself.

He was quickly crushed by Metalicana's growl.

"You can't grow up to become a crazy cat man lady."

"Well maybe I can ", Rouge shouted back.

"Wrong thing to say ", Igneel said, tail slapping the ground and throwing Rouge off his feet.

"I want to steal your babies", Skiadrum whispered.

"What?"

"Nothing".

Weisslogia shook his own head as if removing dust and yawned with his massive jaw.

"I don't see what's the problem with getting laid", he bellowed.

Rouge look up at the light dragon. "Sting's dad all right".

The three dragons of Fairy Tail chuffed, while the remaining Sabertooth dragon smiled.

"Said the dragon who enjoyed being a virgin", Skiadrum told his friend.

"OH MY GOD EAR PORN. MAKE IT STOP." Rouge shouted, reverting to his inner child in the presence of overbearing parents..

Igneel laughed. "Oh really Skiadrum? You only got laid because you got drunk ".

"STOP THE EAR PORN!" Rouge whined

Skaidrum blinked at his friend several times, then raised his left eyebrow (do dragons even have eyebrows?).

"We're dragons, Weiss. We can't drink alcohol. Have you seriously forgotten these 14 years?"

"I - eeh - umm, wasn't this about your son and his lack of mating?" Weisslogia cursed under his breath on how obvious he can be sometimes.

The Fairy Tail dragon slayer's parents laughed heartily at the Light Dragon's answer, and Skaidrum rolled his eyes. Although, his fellow dragon did have a point.

And, frankly, an unhealthy lack of sperm, but that's not the point.

The shadow dragon looked back down to his son and narrowed his eyes. He was going to his grandchildren one way or another, even if he had to destroy Fiore to find a woman of the worthiness.

Rogue shifted uncomfortably in the dragon's gaze. Rogue just didn't understand. None of the women he had ever met had wanted anything other than power, social status, sex, money, or just to brag that they've met him. It sickened him, and he had slowly made it nearly impossible for a woman to ever really know him. Now, don't get him wrong, he was attracted to them sexually, but he wasn't willing to waste his time on a relationship that wouldn't either last or hurt when it ended.

Basically, Rogue didn't have a mate yet because he's never met a woman who would ever truly and deeply fall in love with him.

Skiadrum finally got to the point.

"Don't fall in love with a man".

* * *

><p>"-And then they told me about the lack of reproductive compatibility. Trust me Frosch, you don't want to come with me next time I visit Skiadrum", Rouge ranted to his froggy exceed. The cat quaked at the thought of where mini humans came from.<p>

"Come on Rouge-Kun, it would be nice if you had a mate. How does that even work with dragon slayers?" Frosch asked.

Rouge huffed and got off the Magnolia park bench where he was sitting. He began to briskly walk towards the end of the park grounds, Frosch following like a grateful puppy.

Rouge held his head down and stared at his moving feet, but he should have held his head up, because he did he happen to run into?

"Watch it!" said a certain Celestial Spirit Mage.

* * *

><p>Lucy's day had been utterly exhausting. Perhaps the most exhausting she's ever had in her life.<p>

She had been woken up by the loud snoring of the Fire Dragon Slayer at only three o'clock in the morning. And, he was, of course, sleeping in HER bed. When she attempted to Lucy Kick him off of the bed, he grabbed her foot in his sleep, pulled her in, then punched her across the room.

Then, when she tried to fall asleep on the couch, she failed to do so.

So, she decided to take a stroll around Magnolia. On her stroll, she ran into multiple bandits who attempted to kidnap her. It was easy enough to fight them off, however, her favorite pair of pajamas had gained multiple stains, rips, and an abundance of pebbles in it. While she's not exactly sure, nevertheless, she walked to her house in a terrible mood. When she arrived home, she went to cook herself breakfast (there was no way should be sleeping now), to find that her dragon slayer partner had eaten everything she had the night before.

At that point, she was desperate. So, like any (in)sane person, she broke into her guild, cooked herself eggs for breakfast, at it, then fell asleep on one of the benches.

When she woke up, she found most of the guild members already there. And staring at her. But, being in her sleepy state, she only waved hello at them, and went up to the bar to order a milkshake. Even when Mirajane had commented on her attire, and why she was at the guild before herself, Lucy didn't realize what was being asked and replied with talking about a book she had read recently.

Ten minutes later, when she finally realized the situation, she had grabbed a mission from the request board and rushed out, to her apartment, to the train station, and went to the client's house.

The mission itself had been simple. She had to be a waitress for until sunset. Easy enough. However, the outfit she had to wear was rather provocative, and she often got stares from perverted men or glares from jealous girlfriends.

All in all, at the end of the day, all she wanted to do was walk to the train station and fall into a deep, deep, deep, deep sleep, but some jerk had to walk right into her.

"Watch it!" Shouted the Celestial Spirit Mage.

* * *

><p>He simply nods his head back at her. He wasn't a man of many words.<p>

Lucy straightens out her clothes. The outfit she had changed into earlier had been an orange tank top and a jean skirt. Not the best clothes to wear when you fall on someone.

Rogue is uncertain. On one hand, he should apologize about Future Rogue, but on the other, this situation was way too awkward for his liking. These are the situations he avoids. Apparently, he needs to do a better job.

Lucy, herself, is quite uncertain. This is a different version of the man who had killed her future self. He wasn't THE man, but still... Besides, she had never spoken to him before. Or any Sabertooth mage other than Yukino for that matter.

Then, a wave of fatigue hits her, and she remembers what she needed to do.

She looks at the shadow dragon slayer in front of her, sighs, and speaks.

"I've had the worst day, ever. If you had a reason for knocking into me, please tell. If not, bye."

She waits a minute. When she gets no reply, she walks away from the man who has rather uncharacteristically not entirely grasped the situation.

...

Rouge was just left looking after her as she walked away, full of estrogen and sass.

He wanted to make any attempt, ANY attempt, at a conversation. He hadn't ever spoken to this rival Mage, but she seemed to have an idea of who he was and a copy of the book _How to Avoid Bad News_.

But Rouge, being the silent follower did nothing. He turned the other way and left, although his head was screaming _follow _her.

He made it fifteen feet, then he turned around and silently followed the blonde girl's scent.

Lucy lived in this big apartment building with a riverfront view, and it awed Rouge. He shared a meager house with Sting, mostly out of pity because if Sting was on his own he'd be drunk and homeless.

Rouge looked up at the apartment building and had the urge to knock.

Rouge looked up at the door, and...

Was greeted with the face of a certain Fire Dragon Slay-

Wait... what?

Were Lucy and Natsu-san together? Did they live together? He could've sworn he had heard Igneel say something a few weeks ago about a 'Lisanna' being his mate, so...

What?

Natsu sent a confused look to the other dragon slayer. Why was this man at Lucy's apartment? Unless he thought it was silly book club. Her house could definitely pass off as a silly book club. It was creepy.

"Hey, Rogue! Sorry, but this isn't some book club. This is Lucy's house."

What? Rogue didn't know whether to facepalm at this man's stupidity, or be glad he wasn't caught. So he did what anyone would.

Rogue coughed awkwardly. What is with him and awkward conversations today?

Rouge looked at the flame Mage. He had to think of something quick!

"Lucy bumped into me and dropped her wallet ", Rouge answered, spur of the moment.

Dear Skiadrum, how was he holding Lucy's wallet?!

Natsu looked at the shadow dragon slayer, as if searching the depths of his soul. Then, he shrugged and went out the door, mumbling something about, "Lisanna" and "make out".

Rouge questioned everything about that hot head.

Rouge climbed the staircase and came to the door of Lucy's apartment, and he hesitated not to knock.

"Natsu, I told you to-"

Lucy looked into the burgundy eyes of the shadow. He held out her wallet, and mumbled something that sounded like 'dropped.'

Lucy sighed, feeling sorry for the dragon slayer to come all that way to see her in her pajamas. Wait, she hadn't finished putting on her pajamas...

She was standing in front of a man with an unbuttoned pajama top with her certain womanly features barely covered.

"Kyaa!"

* * *

><p>Rogue blinked. What?<p>

He had a habit of asking that question when it involved this woman, it seemed.

He looked at her arms. Oh. She... she isn't completely dressed. How does one forget to get completely dressed? This woman was different.

But don't think he means that in a bad way! If he hadn't had self restraint, he, sadly, probably would have laughed at her. Several times. In one day. It took Sting three months to get anything that wasn't a Shadow Dragon Slayer attack out of him.

So saying that he nearly laughed after only, actually less than, a day was a very prestigious feat.

Wait... he started staring didn't he? At her arms, which happened to barely cover her b-

"LUCY KICK!"

Rogue is thrown out the window, and lands face first on the solid concrete, with his butt raised unceremoniously into the air. He uses his arms to slowly position himself into a sitting position.

He looks back towards her house to see a shirtless Ice Make Mage obscuring his vision with a hand reached out. He hesitantly takes it, and the man pulls him to his feet.

"Congrats, Rogue. Your first Lucy Kick. But why were you in Luce's house anyway?"

Rogue brings a hand up and drags it down his face. Gray hadn't had an ounce of sarcasm in his voice. And congratulated Rogue for getting kicked. Something was wrong with every Fairy Tail Mage, apparently.

"She dropped her wallet. I handed it back.

Rouge stood up to his full height and put his hands in his pockets. "And actually, that was my second Lucy kick".

"Second kick?" Gray asked, with a hint of awe. "I've only gotten to one and half , I guess being nudged with her foot while being passed out on the floor counts".

Rouge looked at the well-known ice-make-now-devil-slayer-stripper, then gave him two feet of space. He was NOT going to catch whatever it was that this crazy mage had.

"That is good?" he asked.

Gray stretched his barely clothed self. "It means she somewhat like you. If she can beat you up, she now feels that at least she's got something to her name."

Gray looked into the distance. "I've got to lose Juvia", he remarked, then simply trotted off.

Rouge blinked, then went on on his way, trying desperately to get Lucy's intoxicating scent out of his heightened nose, even though he really like the smell of rainbows.

The shadow dragon slayer walked on along the waterfront, enjoying the view and nursing his 'wounded' (did he have any?) pride.

_"Oi, Rouge, look in your pocket!"_

Rouge staggered and tripped on the uneven flooring. He looked up then opened his pocket. "Skiadrum,how are you in my pocket?"

_"Shadow-mode, Rouge. We've got to work on that!"_


	2. Another Real Chapter 2

Skiadrum sent his son an annoyed look.

After Rogue had left the forest earlier that day, the Shadow Dragon had went into Shadow Mode, and crawled into the pocket of his oddly oblivious son. From said pocket, he had been watching what Rogue was doing. He has never been more disappointed.

His son, Rogue Cheney, THE Rogue Cheney, Shadow Dragon Slayer, had wasted a perfectly good chance at creating children. Children for Skiadrum to love, cherish, cuddle with, read bedtime stories to, and to kidnap. (Don't tell anybody he thought of any of said things, especially any dragons. They'd never never stop teasing him for the rest of their lives, and the Lord knows how long dragons live.)

So, after deciding that he needed an explanation of why in this world his son hadn't taken advantage of the situation, he had told the mage to go back to the forest. Once there, he had gone out of Shadow Mode, and stared at his son expectantly, tapping one of his front claws to the ground in a fast, rhythmic beat.

"I don't understand why we're here." Rogue's voice broke him out of his thoughts. Skaidrum narrowed his eyes.

"Rogue, you are a HUMAN. You have rather strange and demanding hormones. Now, tell me, what were you thinking when you saw the Celestial Spirit Mage?"

"Eh? Um, how strange she is... Wait, what are you saying?"

"Don't play dumb, Rogue. I need to know if you're attracted to the female sex or not."

Rogue's eyes widened considerably, and a faint blush could be seen across his cheeks. His father was questioning his sexuality? THAT'S why they were in this situation? His sexuality, of all things...

"Yes, Skiadrum, I am attracted to women. Why did you feel the need to question that?"

Skiadrum sighed in relief. His son was heterosexual. That would have to be the best news he's gotten in the last few centuries. At least.

Despite the good news, Skiadrum took one long look at his son with his giant eye and growled. Not an affectionate one, not a playful one, an I'm-annoyed-with-you growl.

"Rouge, I'm going to see how smart you are. Who do you think took Lucy's wallet and placed it in your hand?" Skiadrum asked.

Rouge blinked, then gave his father an annoyed look. He had known his father was rather good at making huge and intricate plans, stuff that worked. To say he was worried didn't even begin to describe his emotions when he had Ulysses S. Grant for a dad.

"Rouge, why won't you even attempt to have more than an interest in the opposite sex? I don't want a son who will grow old, with no one to carry on his line. All the other dragon slayers have chosen their mates, yet you are still fumbling when you catch merely a whiff of an available female!"

The shadowy dragon shook his massive head, then rested down on the ground with a great shaking of the earth. "Why Rouge must you be so difficult?"

Rouge crossed his arms, annoyed at Skiadrum's meddling with his social life.

"Maybe I just don't know where to start okay?"

"Have I taught you nothing? First, you remove of your clothes an-" Skiadrum begins, only to be interjected by Rogue.

"I don't mean like that! I am perfectly aware of how to do th-that. I just want to fall in love before I do."

"But those thoughts get in the way of children," growls the dragon, so low that Rogue can't hear it.

Skiadrum shakes his head, yet again. On one hand, he should be proud that his son wishes to be with someone he loves, much like the other dragon slayers. On the other, this gets in the way of so, so, so many children. After a moment of thinking, he decides to tell his son a story.

"Rogue, when I was a teenage dragon, as you can imagine the worst kind of dragon, during the war, I had been taken over by the shadows. I had killed countless humans, as well as a hand full of dragons. I had grown a lust for the smell of blood, and the sight of a broken body. But, when I had met your foster mother, I had changed. Nictrilli, the Celestial Dragon, one of the strongest dragons in existence, my world had changed. She had given me hope, as well as love, and helped me fight off the shadows. They never went near me again. We had become mates soon after, and had went to opposite sides of the world many, many years later to raise humans. To humans, the Celestial Mage, the strongest one in existence currently, is very attractive. You need to mate before another human, or dragon, does. If you wish for a strong human of stars, of course."

Rouge groaned. Did his dad seriously just want him to drop his pants for Lucy?

With dragons, they knew who was their mate and they had no problem expressing it, but it was much more complex with humans like Rouge. Why wouldn't Skiadrum get that? It wasn't like he liked Lucy…

Did he?

Lucy was one of the most beautiful people had met. She had this rare golden hair, a rare magic, she was always willing to help someone, she had creativity, loved literature, wrote literature, knew how to bring someone's mood up, she treated everyone with kindness and compassion, she knew her limits but was willing to push them for her friends…..

Wow, was he a stalker.

What was worse that Skiadrum practically read minds.

"Rouge, I may not know much of the human's mating rituals, and I may be a little pushy, but when you think you like someone, you have to see if you can, well, like-like them for the rest of your lives. Like me and Nictrilli…."

Rouge sighed as Skiadrum looked up at the blue sky and whimpered. Nitcrilli had disappeared when Rouge was little, but he knew that Nictrilli wasn't dead. If a dragon's mate died, so would they. It was unbearable to a dragon to deal with a loss that big that they could feel in the depths of their soul. Nictrilli had disappeared around X777, but Rouge knew Nirtilli wasn't just out there look for them.

"I promise Skiadrum, one day I'll find momma". **(A/N: Rouge does not have issues, he says Momma with pride! {As do I})**

* * *

><p>Sting Eucliffe... a playboy, more or less, to many people. He smirked and teased and complimented his way to many women's beds. It was easy, a pattern really.<p>

I take that back. It obviously wasn't as easy as Sting thought if Rogue couldn't do it. Yes, Rogue would blush and feel attracted and suppress nose bleeds, but he never made a move.

To be blunt, it sickened Sting that his best friend was still a... a... dare he say it?

A virgin.

Out of all the women Sting had attempted to pair him with, including Minerva, fans, and members of other guilds, Rogue was still a nineteen year old virgin. Sting shudders just thinking of that fact.

Now, you're wondering where he is shuddering, aren't you?

At Fairy Tail, of course! Voicing his complaints to Natsu, Gajeel, and Laxus. Being LAXUS, of course he's had his own fair share of sex, as well as Gajeel, and Natsu was pretty sure he was about to tie the knot himself, only his first time would be with his mate, as well as his last.

"It's f-ed up, y'know? He hasn't even kissed a girl yet (later on, in my turn, I will have Rogue remember his first kiss. Sting just doesn't know about it)!"

"Raios, if I remember correctly, was rejected pretty harshly as a kid. He's probably afraid of getting rejected again." Gajeel commented

"Hey, in all the amount of time I have known Rouge Chenery, he has never had a girlfriend!" Sting said exasperated.

"You never know Sting, you just aren't the easiest person to talk to", Laxus voiced.

"But Rouge-" Sting began to say, suddenly catching scent of a blond Lucy coming through the door of the guild. All four dragon slayers turned and sniff. She smelled faintly of Rouge, somehow. How was that possible? Was it the conversation? Or the drinks?

Before Sting could think anymore, a flying projectile hit him from above, a short imp like creature with gray hair and pointy shoes.

"Oi, the master of Sabertooth here in my guild? Conversing with my own brats?" Makarov shouted!

"Ji-san, they are talking about Rouge and his lack of adventures with women", Mira said with a giggle behind the bar while her guild master tried to kill his rival with his pointy shoes.

"Oi? Lack of relationships with said little shadow? Why didn't you ask this old geezer?" Makarov said, jumping off the light dragon slayer. "Old people have influence! I had to have a deep talk with my son about this and guess what? Nine months later I got my own Laxus!"

The grandson groaned whilst Mira winked.

Suddenly, Natsu stood from his seat, and walked out of the guild, loudly muttering something along the lines of "sorry," "Lisanna," and "make out".

Those present in said conversation, besides Mirajane who was too busy giggling, to watch him walk out.

And, besides Makarov, of course. He was too busy eyeing at Lucy's body.

Sting sighed. His childhood idol had been a very dense mage, once upon a time. Sting was hoping that Natsu was break Rogue of his lack of women. Now it was down to Gajeel and Laxus.

(No way was he asking Master Makarov for help. PERVERT isn't a big enough name to describe the man. Even 'child molester' would be better.)

Sting looked back towards the other dragon slayers, secretly taking note that the Celestial Spirit Mage was talking happily to Gajeel's mate... Well, whatever the blunette's name was. He'd have to ask the blonde later why she smelled of his best friend.

"Well... it could be worse," Gajeel started, "Wendy already knows who her mate is, yet she's too young to mate. Rough, huh?"

Sting nodded, sighed, and planted his forehead on the table loudly. Why couldn't Rogue get a girl? Why?!

Wait. Sorry, I need to rephrase that again. Why WOULDN'T Rogue get a girl? Girls practically line up to throw themselves at him, yet he only declines. It. Sucks. A. Lot. To watch such a thing. Sting is, frankly, tired of seeing the women get rejected.

Should he start introducing MEN to Rogue?

* * *

><p>~Night Time~<br>Lucy had her opinion of Rouge. He was calm and quiet, with hardly ever a play of emotion in his face. He seemed shy, but not to where he would run from someone speaking to him. He was collected and nearly mute, following Sting's words always. He played his moves well, but never rejoiced . He kept his face stoic.

Lucy had actually felt just a twang of pity of the shadow dragon slayer. He never tried to stand out. He'd rather fade into the milk pool of crowd instead of stand center stage.

He seemed to avoid her at all costs, probably because of, well, the GMGs.

Well, Lucy had no time to think of such things, she wanted to hopefully have a second night of uninterrupted sleep. Lucy remembered to fully put on her pajamas and she climbed into her soft bed.

Then her door bell rang.

Lucy groaned, a growl by dragon slayers standards. She opened the door with a huff, but her face immediately softened noticeably when she saw the cat in the pink frog suit, eyes on the brink of bursting with tears.

"Rouge got into a fight with Sting and left the house. I can't find him!"

Lucy looked confused at the poor exceed. Why...

"Your scent was on Rouge's clothes, so I thought you might help me. I can't ask Sting because he doesn't ca, and I can't ask any Sabertooth because that would make Rouge-Kun get in big trouble!" Frosch cried.

Lucy sighed, "Let me get better clothes on."

Lucy grabbed some grey sweatpants, a cheap red tshirt, a blue blanket, and simple white jacket. She followed Frosch out the door, down the stairs into the night.

* * *

><p>"YOU ASSHOLE!" Sting yelled at Rouge, an empty beer bottle slamming down on the table, nearly shattering. Rouge didn't flinch at Sting's attitude, his face emotionless , which all the more frightened Lector and Frosch in the corner who were quivering.<p>

"WHY CANT YOU JUST STAND UP FOR YOURSELF?!" Sting screamed, punching Rouge, or trying to. His lack of coordination due to being intoxicated. Rouge didn't mind the yelling. He'd grown used to Sting getting drunk, yelling at him, and then waking up like he loved everybody. He never remembered his drunken rampages, and Rouge nor exceed breathed a word of it. It wasn't like Sting was always like this.

Rouge knew he had to knock out Sting, and he did, his fist colliding with Sting 's head, making his friend slump.

But less than a second after peace finally came did the half full beer bottle hit Rouge full on in the back.

It was a delayed reaction thing. Rouge didn't fully register he was bleeding and that there were shards of glass piercing his back through his plain sleep clothes shirt. The scent of blood didn't hit his nose until he had stumbled out the door.

...

The shadow was curled up in fetal position beneath a tree around five miles out of town. It was like that shadows had carried him there, there was no way he had stumbled upon the tree's cradle-like roots on his own. Maybe Skiadrum was nearby but didn't notice, probably asleep. Maybe Rouge himself knew, he was unsure.

Rouge curled up beneath the roots and let a shaky breath escape his lips. God, his back...

He faded to black, but not before he swore he heard Nictrilli.

* * *

><p>"ROUGE YOU BASTARD WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" Sting yelled out as he went his merry way through the woods.<p>

Sting sniffed, then growled. Why couldn't Rouge be a normal human and not have the sense to cover his scent?

"Rouge? ROUGE?! You douchbag!" Sting yelled.

"Shut up will you?" Said a voice.

Sting cringed. He'd heard that voice before.

"Hello Ms. Poryulisca".

* * *

><p><strong>*So like, this is the note. If you already read note, then leave note...*<strong>

**So hello, gracious followers who stroll the universe of fanfiction, and might I say hello.**

**Yes, this is no chapter, but please, do not fret, the next chapter will be up within Monday's eve. I feel I have regretted to put an author's note in the first chapter, and must do so now.**

**Please know that this amazing story would not be possible with my beloved longtime friend, who has been my friend since pre-Fairy Tail, pre-fanfiction, Farry45. I have known her for around three years now since we have met in school, and we see each other and talk to each other on a daily basis.**

**Yes, we talk of Fairy Tail, of manga, of anime, and of other the crazy kids that sit in front of us as we are in**

**Please know that literally every other paragraph is of her genius, and know that we'd never thought we'd make it this far within literally 48 hours, and I believe before we go further I feel you must give her credit. So please follow her story, the Daily Drabble and also follow the amazing writer that she is.**

**Next, me and Farry will not make this a story with the likes of smut/lemons. Me and Farry aren't even old enough for smut, so why write it? But yes, there might be an intense moment of a major make out sessions, and mentions of said deed, but there will not be the ACTUAL deed written in. It might happen, but me and Farry do not feel it's right that we write such things and have no idea why someone would write such things at all, not to be hating. Yes, there will be some pretty graphic mentions, but nothing rated M. They might do the deed, and please be sure I will make that known to all readers. Just saying, we have no interest in lemons, or smut, and please excuse our pitiful attempts at romance because we have like, zippo experience. Like, nada, zilch. We merely watch others and take notes. I have literally taken notes while I watched a non-fanfiction friend interact with her own opposite sex counterpart. I took notes. I. Took. Notes.**

**So please know, at the end of it all, this story has been brought to you buy Farry45 and Sprintjump.**

**P.S. So go follow her and PM her and tell she is a wonderful writer and her demonic friend forgot to give her credit and please ask her, you random citizen of earth, that she might give forgiveness to Sprintjump. and Sprintjump gives eternal sorrows**

**PPS. Farry45, being the awesome stalker she is, screamed at me when I got to school this lovely morning that we got reviewed by Dragon's Host, and I was like 'Okay, stop fangirling we're in public' then she was all like:**

**"Shhe wrote your favorite fanfiction Under Tables and around Corners! Your favorite/first Rolu!"**

**Then I was like:**

**"YASS! THANK YOU FARRY45 FOR YOUR STALKER ABILITIES!" (She loves your work, as do I)**


	3. A Regular Chapter 3

Skiadrum bolted awake. It was three in the morning, he guessed, but something was oddly off. Weisslogia was still beside him snoozing, but it felt like something was just, gone. He sniffed the air. Rogue's scent was just... gone. Vanished. Just like that. He furrowed his eyebrows and stood up. Sting's scent could be easily identified, with a heavy amount of alcohol in it, but his son's scent was no where to be nervously looked around. No one anywhere near him, except...Grandine.

And yet, it wasn't Grandine.

"Oi, You pathetic shadow lizard, look down".

Skiadrum shuddered. It was _that _woman.

"How many times have I told you to find another forest? I like dragons no more than I do humans!"

Skiadrum flinched at the pink haired woman's words. It wasn't so much as that she was scary (it would take him two seconds flat to eat her), but her unbearably loud voice. She reminded him of his mother.

"Well, you could ask where your son is, just a thought", the crazy lady mused, poking Skiadrum.

Skiadrum groaned."Ms. Porlusciya, might I ask where Rouge is?"

"Why not ask Sting, who now sits outside my house after I had a deep talk, speaking with him about his drinking problem. He hit your son with a beer bottle, and Rouge did lose a lot of blood..."

"Rouge is hurt?!" Skiadrum roared.

Now Skiadrum knew why he couldn't smell Rouge.

This crazy lady that was next to him was covered with blood, but she nonchalantly played it off as if it were nothing. Her aged eyes looked at Skiadrum's feet. "Lucy and Frosch found him. He keeps whispering _Nictrilli_ or whatever. He's latched on to Frosch and won't let go".

"_Lucy_?" He felt guilty to feel happy.

* * *

><p>Once upon time, long, long ago, there was ebony haired red pupiled little boy who loved the summer nights of his village. He was a lonely little boy who had no family or friends and was used by the villagers as a disregarded slave. One day, the little boy strayed from the village during the night, despite all protests from the people who used him as cheap labor. The little boy ran into a shadow and a warm firefly who took him to a far away mountain and raised him to be good and wise and calm and considerate and the little boy never was used again and lived happily ever after.<p>

The story was what raced over and over again in Rouge's mind as he was laid out on his stomach while on some sort of nest like bed thing. His vision was blurry, but he was able to make out a blonde by the door and a blonde by his side. Frosch was currently hugging his head. He didn't remember how he ended up here, and judging the situation, he didn't want to.

Rouge was supposed to be the calm and silent observer. He had always been quiet and a follower, from what Skiadrum had told him, even as child. There had been those rare times though, either when Rouge was truly happy or extremely sad and frightened, that Rouge's usual stoic self disapated and the Rouge who was either happy as can be or more vulnerable than a slapped infant abused by their parents. Rouge was trying hard to stay calm, but it just hurt him so much to even breath. Slowly his calm husk of a self seemed as empty as the sky and the poor little shadow had shrunk a million sizes until he was just a speck in an endless ocean of pain.

"Fro should have been there for Rouge! Fro is so stupid for letting Rouge-sama try to help Sting stop drinking!" the little she cat wailed.

"Frosch, it'll be okay".

Lucy.

Lucy would had pretty golden hair and dark eyes. Lucy who seemed to know you were in trouble with just one look. Lucy who spoke her mind and wasn't afraid to hurt you if you were in the way of the destination she was trying to reach. This was Lucy who Yukino spoke of as the greatest mage in existence merely because of her consideration of others, spirit and human. The Lucy who threw Rouge in circles with the flick of her hair or brush of her skin.

Lucy.

A long time ago when he had been a little boy, Rouge had asked Skiadrum what it was like when you found your mate. Skiadrum had said it confused you for the most part, but you knew in your heart that being by them was what you lived for. It was clear now.

Rouge lived for Lucy.

He should have laughed at that thought. He should've. I mean, who lives for someone they barely know in the first place? He'd barely had a single conversation with the lady, and now he lived for her.

His stalker abilities were beginning to creep him out...

However, the question he had to ask himself was what attracted him about her in the first place? Was it her will to fight, even when all hope is lost? How she had immediately forgiven Minerva after the Tartaros ordeal was over? Was it her ever undeniable beauty? It could've been anything, it seemed.

Be it her beauty or beautiful personality, she was a his drug, and he was already becoming completely and utterly addicted.

The stars can't find a way to compare with her, and she shines brighter across Earthland than the sun across the world. Her hair was pure silk that any woman would pay millions of jewels to get, no doubt. Not to mention her eyes, where you could read her emotions easier than the Weekly Sorcerer. She was the literal image of a perfect angel on Earthland.

But then, one question came to mind:

Does she have a boyfriend?

Rouge cursed lowly under his breathe, which Frosch, thankfully, did not hear. It looked as if the Exceed was beginning to fall asleep. Frosch had probably spent the day worrying, Rogue can imagine. Frosch had a tendency to do so, especially being partners with an S-Class mage.

Well, as long as the feline was happy. Something which Rogue was not. For Rogue believed, in all honesty, that he was a complete idiot. This fact (Opinion. We all love our dear Rogue to death, and know that he is a smart guy.) led the Dragon Slayer to curse under his breathe again

Did Lucy have a boyfriend?

He should've figured it out sooner. Of course she'd have a boyfriend. It was obvious. With the very not-so-virgin-like clothing, her beauty, and how she would often (attempt) to use sex appeal to seduce a man to lower the prices. (How was he even aware of said sex appeal? Had he been actually listening to Yukino's rants about how wonderful the blonde was? He doesn't remember paying attention, but he will say that he'd probably agree to what she said.)

That settled it. She had a boyfriend for who knows how long and the Shadow Dragon Slayer had been too late. Be it that Eve guy, (A.N. Yeah. I just said that. I would say Hibiki, but he's with Jenny, and Ren has Sherry. It was process of elimination.) who seemed like Lucy's type, honest, polite, and Fairy Tail friendly, Gray Fullbuster, or the Drunk Falcon,even. (A.N. Again, YEAH, I just said that. All Dragon Slayers were out of question, and there are little other possible males.) Just because Rogue knew that Lucy didn't judge.

He just had to face the facts. The woman that he lived for, lived for another.

Soon enough, dragon territorial instincts would kick in, and jealousy may or may not control his every move.

But you have a while to wait for that, so go get a bag of popcorn or chips or something.

* * *

><p><strong>IT WAS FARRY'S FAULT. I'm soooooo sorry my readers the next will be longer. During the holidays we have to lose our antisocial ways and this happens. Don't worry! Lots of Goodnes in thy next Chapter!<strong>

**FARRY45 says review!**

**REVIEW!**


	4. A Longer (but still short) Chapter 4

Rogue. This was the dragonslayer curled up in front of Lucy in fetal position, breathes soft but labored, eyes fluttering under the lids in some dream, Lucy guessed. His black hair was ruffled in a messy bedhead, his bandaged shirtless torso heavying up and down. Frosch, (Oh lord, how adorable was Frosh in her cute froggy suit!) was asleep on Rogue's head, something so natural and so perfect it was like it had happened a million times before. Lucy sighed, wishing for something like that, her life hectic and abnormal, especially with Fairy Tail. Her will was devoted to the guild, and she could definitely say it was hard to have and keep up with a social life.

Frosch stirred on Rogue's head just a little bit, then opened her eyes, her nap short lived. She looked up at Lucy, and smiled.

"Are you and Rogue-sama in a thing? 'Cause Fro smelled you on Rogue's cloak, and Fro know Rogue never bring home any girls except the old baker down the street. So Fro know Rogue must like you!"

Lucy's smile fell.

"Huh...?" Was all that she could say. What was Frosch talking about?

"Fro thinks that Fairy-san is very pretty!"

Eh... whatever she was talking about probably didn't matter, Lucy thinks to herself. She smiles at the Exceed.

"Awww! You. Are. So. Adorable!" She squeals.

Frosch blushes. Frosch doesn't think that she's that adorable. There was no doubt in the Exceed's mind that the Fairy Tail member was prettier. And more adorable. Only, Frosch didn't literally think those words, due to her lack of vocabulary, but that's what she meant to think.

"Fro thinks that Fairy-san is prettier!"

Lucy laughs. It seemed that the green feline was adorable AND modest. Rogue was truly lucky to have such a partner. The blonde would give absolutely anything to have this Exceed as a teammate other than the blue one that embarrassed her. A lot.

(Lucy may have had a teensy [huge] crush on Gray when she first met him, a crush on Loke during that fighting festival, and a crush on Natsu during the Oracion Seis battle, but since then, she hasn't had a potential romantic partner. Anyway, point is, Happy always seemed to know.)

"Fairy-san! Fro thinks that Rogue-sama is waking up!"

Hm... Maybe she should go, then. Lucy doubts that Rogue will want to see her as soon as he wakes up.

Before she can contemplate it, she remembers that she hasn't been able to find her wallet. She might as well go look for it. She stands, gives the Exceed a wave goodbye, and exits the room.

"Fairy?"

The word made Lucy stop frozen in her tracks. Sting didn't say it, he was knocked out against the wall. Frosch didn't, her voice didn't match. Rogue….Rogue was looking at her with red eyes slitted, face in a grimace, his stare looking through Lucy's soul.

"Fairy…" he said, trying to get up, an obvious yelp that seemed to shake the room and various medicinal bottles in it. Frosch screamed and tried to pull him back to the bed, and Lucy went running, pushing him softly to the soft comfort.

Rogue tried to push her away, but lifting his arms an animal-whimper of pain escaped his lips and he looked up at the Fairy Tail member with wide eyes, his red eyes staring into hers, her onyx making him stay lying on the bed with her deadly glare. Lucy held him down, hands on his chest lightly, making him stay on the bed. She twisted her face coldly.

"You dragonslayers are all the same, well, except Wendy. The boys I guess. They always insist they're fine, walk 10 feet, then pass out!" Lucy spat. "You will stay on this bed, and don't. Even. Move."

Rogue looked at Lucy and nodded. The woman had a career in drill instructing.

"Fro wants to know if you two will kiss now!"

"Ehhhhh!?" Lucy squeaks, which Rogue secretly thought was the cutest thing ever.

"Fro thinks Fairy-san and Rogue-sama llllliiiiiiike each other!" It seems to Lucy that Forsch has been spending too much time with the other damn feline. This meant that Happy would have hell to pay in the future.

"N-n-n-no, Frosch. We're not. I mean, we. I mean, I-I'm n-not-"

"Only people who are dating do those things, Frosch." And it seemed to Lucy that Rogue was not affected by what Frosch was saying. At all. What was up with this super calm personality even though he had just gotten attacked with a bottle? He was just so….confusing.

….

However, it was quite the opposite. Rogue honestly felt a bit heartbroken by her reaction. She, very obviously, did not want to be in a relationship with him. Figures.

And it hurt. It hurt a lot.

He had faced dragons, defeated demons, and demolished dark guilds. Yet an indirect rejection hurt more than all of that combined.

He felt tears prick his eyes, but he had to be strong through the this paint. At least until she left. Maybe he should help her leave quicker? Hm...

"Fairy. I believe that Natsu-san is calling for you."

And, just in the nick of time, said Fire Dragon Slayer busted through the door.

"Luce! I need another therapist session!" He yells to her, grabbing her hand roughly (which stung Rogue's fragile heart more).

"Me and Lis' got in another fight!" He shouts, as he begins to drag her out.

Rogue sighs, let out a sigh. He had gotten (indirectly) rejected. And it hurt a lot.

"Natsu! How did you find me at Porlyusica's house in the middle of the-"

"Make out with your boyfriend later! I need help!"

The fire dragon slayer pulled Lucy out of the door with a cartoonish speed and ran out into the night, totally not noticing he had run over Porlyusica like twice, now chasing him with a broom on fire . Rogue sighed.

"You have totally just failed at mating."

"SKIADRUM HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE!"

…

This was so frustrating!

Rogue realized he had a mate! Rogue realized he _liked-liked_ this girl! He realized the chance to mate was very, very, very near, (Ya know) but he still didn't listen to his instinct or his jealousy or anything at all! Why was this so tough?

Did Skiadrum raise Rogue wrong? He was always so quiet and calm and he never ever fussed except when he was hurt or ticked off. Maybe Skiadrum just didn't teach him enough. He knew Rogue understood partnership, the act of making babies, where they came from, having a mate…..he'd taught him everything he'd needed to know. Rogue even knew what love looked like, he and Nictrilli had shown they loved each other very much, they'd always been a team, but it seemed like Rogue didn't get it at all.

Skiadrum still didn't have babies to steal!

But, then Skaidrum realised something else.

It was NOT his son's fault. Yet.

It was the mate's fault. The mate was not in love with Rouge, yet. She was not willing to mate. The dragon could not believe that he had forgotten that both of them would have to fall in love before they mated.

That was bad. Very, very, very bad.

No offense to his son, but Rouge wasn't currently particularly... attractive right now. At least not personality wise. Any woman with a brain would find Rouge handsome.

But, the chosen mate wouldn't fall for looks. She'd fall for a personality. An intelligent, kind, strong hero would fit her. Sadly, Skaidrum didn't think that Rouge fit that description.

But, wait! What if... SKAIDRUM COULD CHANGE THE MATE'S TYPE OF MAN?

If that happened... Skaidrum can picture it now...

*Daydream*

Lucy, lying in the infirmary, giving birth, with Rouge on her side, telling her it would all be okay. And then, a baby boy comes.

The nurses wipe him off, then gives him to Lucy, who names him Shadow (A.N. Such unoriginal names, Skaidrum! So unoriginal.) after the baby's grandfather. Lucy hands Shadow to Rouge, who smiles at him. Then, when no one is looking, Skaidrum steals the baby, replaces it with a broom, blending them both into shadows. Then, flies out of the room in shadow-mode, out of the guild, and is never seen again. The end.

*Real Life*

Oh, if life could only be that sweet.

And it could be. All Skaidrum had to do would be show the human how amazing his son was.

Which shouldn't be that hard.

Only it would be. Considering the fact that Rogue doesn't even have a half decent personality, in most people's eyes

He wished so much that Rogue could have a happy family life. Dragon's had a strong sense of their relations, prided themselves on it, so a lonely dragon was somewhat the brain fart of the population. Skiadrum didn't want Rogue to be a loner, it was the ultimate shame!

Skiadrum needed help. Professional help.

And he knew just where to get it.

…..

Mirajane had gotten home rather late that evening, due to an intense session of trying to take away Cana's 'boyfriend'. Eventually, she had just left it up to Laxus and Elfman merely because she didn't want to go all demon soul on the beer barrel.

Closing the door, the barmaid turned to her kitchen to fix last minute dinner and a drink. It was hard work for her. Gajeel and Levy became a thing, so that was a love point for Mira, Lisanna had had fought with Natsu so that deducted ten points, Romeo and Wendy had drooled over each other in the adorable preteen flirting way, that was five points, but the big news that Lucy was crushing on some member of the opposite sex, which turned Mira's detective skills on full drive and her point counter to infinity.

Also, her relationship with Laxus had improved quite a bit, too. They were, surprisingly, the second official romantic couple within Fairy Tail, Alzack and Bisca being the first. Laxus was, secretly, a really romantic man, who never forgot to compliment her when they talked. It made her feel... nice, warm, and fuzzy. She was in love with the man. He was rather adorable at times, especially when he'd gotten attacked by the odd yellow squirrel he'd encountered a few weeks ago.

"Hello, Demon Mage."

The words room an male shook Mira as she worked around the room, seeking someone to put the blame on for the voice. She day nothing but shadows.

"Call me..um... _Steve_! Er, perhaps. But, I need your help. You see..."

Mirajane listened his problems, seeing no issues,(Steve was probably was a ghost)and analyzed his request as best as she could, as best as an S-Class Mage of Fairy Tail could.

The information he gave her was all that she needed. Also, she needed two specific people, a very attractive male, truth serum, champagne, a pool, and a glass of Pepsi™. (She was currently craving soda, really, really badly.)

The plan that she and Steve were plotting would be the best, most intense, and most thrilling plan that will have you at the edge of your seat.

(Or bed. Or desk. Or couch. Or table. Or wherever you're sitting, really.)


	5. The Long Awaited Chapter 5

Skiadrum had always been petrified of son in a morbid kind of way. Skiadrum knew that not everything was right with Rogue. He was strangely quiet, soft spoken, never a whiner. It was like at every moment the little boy might have snapped if he was just had wanted to. Skiadrum knew this had happened to Future Rouge, and Skiadrum had seen it before, in his own image. Skiadrum was raised by dragons that felt humans were food, not friend. Skiadrum had killed people, he wouldn't lie, but the thing that had changed him was _her_. She, being the tomboyish hatchling that Skiadrum guessed the humans would call an environmentalist hippie, had knocked him out/lightly slapped him on a bad day, and that's how things started. First, they were rivals, then acquaintances, uneasy friends, just friends, and soon best friends. They'd even been the other's wingman/wingwoman when trying to look good in front of others. Eventually, they'd accidentally fallen in love with each other, and how no idea what to do about it. Eventually, Metallicana sorted them out (However tough and hardcore he seemed, he had his weaknesses. Like cats. And cats. And cats. Metallicana always needed some fluffy thing, and eventually he got a Gajeel. Haven't you wondered why Gajeel looks like Scar and Mufasa had an emo brother?) The metal dragon had done things the blunt way, and eventually _she _and Skiadrum were mates. They'd lived for so long, just them. No eggs ever were laid or hatched, although the dragons did ever so want a family, and then by some miracle the divine guy in the sky sent them Rogue, and they would have lived happily ever after... if Nictrilli hadn't had to be locked away by the keys when Skiadrum needed to leave on 7/7/X777. That's when Skiadrum and Rogue failed in life.

Little did they know that Future Rogue believed so too...

* * *

><p>78/X792 Original Future

"Sting, I have to leave and find her." Rogue tells his friend.

"What!? Hell no, Rogue! You're too badly injured! You'll get killed out there!"

"No, I'm not asking you for permission. I'm going tomorrow." The shadow dragon states as he begins to stand up.

"You can't go! What about Levy!? What about Lucy!? You have to stay!" Sting begins to walk towards his friend, and was very thankful that the said women were not currently at their temporary camp site. They would've had a fit that attracted one of the dragons…..again. And, believe me, he does not want to relive that.

Rogue turns away from Sting and their camp.

"Frosch died yesterday, remember? You don't have that bad of memory loss, do you? I need to leave and find Nictrilli for her sake, if for nothing else."

"But Rogue... you... you can't leave me. You can't leave Lucy and Levy. You promised you would never leave us." The light dragon slayer reaches Rogue and places a hand on his shoulder.

Rogue turns around and shoves Sting by his shoulders into a nearby tree, effectively bruising the man and keeping his hands firmly placed.

The blonde man had always known Rogue had crimson eyes but now... they looked blood red and murderous, a dragon's killing stare.

"You cannot and will not stop me from this. I will find Nictrilli if it is the last thing that I do. Actually, I should just become the dragon's king, then she'd be forced to come to me."

"You ca-"

Before Sting can finish his sentence, Rogue removes of his hands and reaches in to quickly and efficiently break the man's neck.

He leaves the body laying there, he'd get it later.

(Lucy and Levy later returned to find neither Dragon Slayer there. After a week of waiting for them to appear and nothing happening, they decide to part ways. Lucy later returns to the Eclipse Gate and passes through it back in time. Levy does not return, but finds the rest of Fairy Tail's broken bodies in her travels.)

* * *

><p>When Skiadrum had seen and heard of the damage future Rogue had done, the fear of his son increased. There was a drive in him, a ghost of some killer who stopped at nothing. Skiadrum had planned and raised Rogue so that the horrific scene that had been the GMGs would never happen, but once the delicate yet strong spiderweb thread that was a dragon's bond was torn into shreds and burned, nothing could stop the relentless search of an orphaned hatchling. That future would become an alternative timeline, not truth, hopefully. Rogue's father was now there to monitor his son, but never protect his little shadow. His son was now grown and made his own choices. (Rogue had insisted it was true but Skiadrum knew Sting was always behind the controls. Rogue couldn't make a choice for himself for the life of him)<p>

Skiadrum had been too late, and if he was just a step behind once more, the future Lucy's death would become fact. The dragon king would be Rogue Cheney. The next Acnologia would be his own son, and this would bring ultimate shame. His son would not become this monster.

This is why babies needed to be stolen, more or less. In Skiadrum's mind, with the grandparent traits beginning to kick in like all the dragons were, anything with Rogue procreating made the world a better place.

Skiadrum's logic?

Rogue + Lucy Woman Lady = Babies

Babies + Rogue = No Time for World Domination

Skiadrum steal babies + Happy World = HEAVEN

Dragon logic is much more advanced and complicated than human logic apparently.

* * *

><p>"What am I doing here, human? I should be dead! My Lord Zeref has saved me from this dreadful world! How dare but a mere human take away my peace!?"<p>

It's Mard Geer.

"Shh! You'll wake somebody up," Mirajane scolds him, "if you keep yelling like that! I need you to do me a favor."

He narrows his eyes at her.

"Why in Zeref's name would I help a human?"

"Look. I know we have a bad past and everything, but you see, I need you to take Lucy Heartfilia away. Don't hurt her or anything, just kidnap her and trap her somewhere. I have the perfect place even!"

Lucy Heartfilia? Why does that name ring a-

He suddenly remembers the blonde woman who escaped Alegria. He truly loathed that Celestial Spirit Mage, but why would he have to kidnap her? Why couldn't he just die? And wasn't this other human her friend?

"Continue."

She smiles brightly at him. He was considering it!... She thinks...

"There's this aquarium that was built as a memorial where Tartaros' guild fought ours, and there's a secret underground passage that can make it look like she's drowning when she's not. Also, she gets addicted to alcohol if you give her any, so leave her a few cases of champagne. That'll make it more realistic. Don't get ahead of yourself asking about the truth serum yet!"

He didn't know there was going to be truth serum in the first place...

That aside, he didn't trust the woman, dare he say that he respects her.

After 400 years of living, this was the first human he had respected whatsoever.

Perhaps it was the demon magic? Or the fact that he felt as if she'd give him a slower and more painful death than Lord Zeref?

Either way, it was very foreign to Mard Geer.

* * *

><p>"Get out of here you damn cat!" Lucy yelled out at Happy, while a Lisanna who desperately dragged her mate from the home.<p>

"Thanks Lucy!" Lisanna called as the flying cat and herself dragged the now knocked out flame down the street.

Lucy waved, grinning at work. She mostly did it because she wanted Natsu out of her house. She had things to do: abuse Happy, handle Juvia, bring emergency clothes for Gray, help Erza polish her armor, she needed to check on Rogue...

Why did she need to do that? She felt it was right and the good friendly thing people have to do. It was Rogue after all, someone who needed to be assured he wouldn't become a killer.

Despite what people thought about that poor dragon slayer, now injured and hurt, only the Celestial Spirit King knows what Sabertooth will do to him, Lucy knew there was something nice and good about that man, he just needed to warm up to someone other than a close friend. He needed someone...

Ah,_ Lucy Cheney._...

She was NOT crushing on a Sabertooth member right now!

Okay, so maybe she is a little bit, but how is she supposed to see past Future Rogue?

She understands that their Rogue will never become that person, but it was hard not to see the resemblance between the two men. They both had beautiful hair and strong jaw lines, and both were very serene, even in the darkest of times. Also, both had crimson eyes, and, well, Future Rogue was from the future, so there weren't going to be many differences.

Future Rogue had killed Future Lucy. She had held herself in her arms as she died. (Not something you hear very often.) And, it scared her to think that this warm, compassionate, mesmerizing man had turned into the other due to the grief of Frosch's death.

She had an intense fear that if she put any trust into Rogue, he might... kill her as well.

But she shouldn't be thinking those things because they _won't _happen, but she _was _thinking them, and it made her feel like such a bad person!

(After blinking multiple times and going back over what she had been thinking about, she finally realises that she had called both their Rogue and Future Rogue's hair beautiful. She didn't even mean to, she just kind of... did. But, there was no point in denying it. His hair is/was very pretty.)

Closing her front door, Lucy sighed. She just wasn't going to have time for the odd jobs of Fairy  
>Tail, she needed to evaluate her life and how she was TOTALLY not crushing on the dragon slayer with amazing hair.<p>

Lucy knew she didn't have a chance anyway. Wendy had told Lucy that a dragon equivalent of around Gajeel's age would only even attempt to flirt if they knew that was there mate, so she probably wasn't Rogue's. He never went after her, and he had dismissed the mention of it ever occurring when Frosch mentioned even the slightest hint of romance. Rogue didn't want Lucy, that was it. She totally NOT hoped she was wrong and she was NOT packing for a trip to the injured dragon slayer.

But he was younger than Gajeel, so why not a chance?

She had been instructed of the 'reason' (*Cough cough* web of lies* cough cough*) behind Rogue's injury, it was a dragon hazard, a collision with Skiadrum's tail. It had happened before, it would happen again, fact of life-ish. The truth would destroy Sting. She needed to keep her mouth shut.

A knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts. Lucy strode over. It was none other than a giggling Levy, who barged through the house.

"Lucy-San!" Levy called. "Mira told me you've been crushing on a boy lately!"

Lucy launched at her and covered Levy's mouth with her hand.

"Do you think everyone in my apartment complex should know?" She hissed.

"So it's true!"

* * *

><p>Gajeel knew Skiadrum wanted babies.<p>

He didn't care who Rogue impregnated, it seemed to Gajeel, as long as the woman was pregnant with human babies.

However, the Iron Dragon Slayer had a problem.

A huge problem.

A problem so big that not even iron could fix it.

Gajeel had always thought of Rogue as a nephew, or perhaps... a son-ish kind of thing. And Bunny Girl had always, always been Gajeel's younger cute sister that he could tease, it was partly Levy's fault, mate, _his soon to be wife._

The problem was that Rogue has feelings for Lucy.

His son has feelings for his younger sister.

Oh, he definitely has a problem with this.

Gajeel was one of the few people who understood that if Rogue wanted something, he would, in fact, get it, as shown in Future Rogue, although their Rogue was much subtly and humble. THeir Rogue took his time and only went after it when he _knew_, and the big diffrence was that their Rogue needed a little push.

But, it was still so... awkward.

Because of Rogue's feelings, Gajeel's family tree was ruined. There were funkly branched all over the place.

Gajeel couldn't believe Sting had asked for help with Rogue's mateless situation, he didn't know it was _that_ bad. Gajeel might have done just a bit of spying when Levy had left for a day out on the town. Rogue, the little shadow who had to look to Gajeel when he didn't quite understand and Sting couldn't give a decisive answer, needed help.

But why did he have to fall in love with Bunny Girl?

There was a bunch of weird junk going on at Sting and Rogue's house. The official story was that Skiadrum had accidentally smack Rogue full on with his tail. Of course that was believable, heck Gajeel had been in the line of fire once or twice and he hated the experience and the after effects of the unintentional beating, but it was fishy at the same time.

While Gajeel had been sitting in a tree, he had seen Bunny Girl coming down the street, a package in her hand. Peering through the window, Gajeel had seen Rogue catch Bunny Girl's scent, even though bandaged and sleeping. The shadow had smiled faintly, and seemed visibly lighter. It was so clear.

Rogue liked Lucy. He liked Bunny Girl. He liked _Lucy_, Gajeel's sister-ish friend. His little nephew figure was taken with his wife's best friend?

Gajeel couldn't believe Sting didn't notice how Rogue was acting. It was obvious!

"Rogue likes Lucy-sama right?" came a little girl's voice.

Gajeel whirled around in surprise, and sure enough there was Frosch, wearing a black frog suit and some sunglasses. It was cute, but Gajeel does not express his feelings using the word cute, it just sort of goes unsaid.

"Fro is a spy! Fro has been trying to make Rogue-kun happy! Fro wants a mommy!"

Gajeelsnorted. There was a telepathic _AWW! _from the angels singing.

"Fine cat, what have you seen?"

"Mirajane-san has a plan!"

"Oh no ".

"Mirajane-san said that she was making dead people live, Fro thinks. Fro doesn't know. She used too many big words for Frosch!"

What...? What was this cat talking about? Gajeel didn't know that Mirajane was into necromancy!

That... that was so creepy...

SHE WAS USING NECROMANCY TO MAKE A COUPLE!?

Just what kind of drug was she on to go to such drastic lengths!?

"Oh, and Fro was hoping for fish. Happy won't share."

The iron dragon slayer was having a quarter-life crisis and Frosch was thinking of fish? There was a definite problem with this picture!

"What does 'quarter life crisis,' mean Gajeel-san?"

Fro waved to the sky at some unseen identity.

Levy was not amused in the least to find the man knocked out on the street the next day.

* * *

><p>Rogue smelled the rainbows before Sting did, but Sting was the only one who could reach the front door. Rogue was stuck in bed while Sting was probably sizing Lucy up before attacking her. Rogue whimpered, he wanted Lucy now. NOW.<p>

He didn't expect Sting to open the door to Rogue's room and let the blonde mage in. The Light Dragon Slayer winked, gave a thumbs up, and went happy dancing away leaving Rogue alone with his single, hot, feminine, completely female, visitor. It was like angels had made a miracle.

Sadly, Rogue didn't know what to do. The angels through their lutes at him.

Rogue faked sleep and steadied his breathing. He wanted Lucy, but he didn't want her. He didn't want to be alone with her in the room whose door now slammed shut. but he also wanted to.

Lucy looked at the supposedly sleeping Rogue. "I can't believe Frosch isn't with you".

Yeah...where was Frosch?

* * *

><p>Meanwhile...<p>

Frosch poked Gajeel's body. "You used your brain too much! You fried it! Fro is taking the keys to your house and taking your fish! Fro will send Levy-chan after Fro eats fish which Happy won't steal!"

* * *

><p>Back to Lucy and Rogue:<p>

Rogue inadvertently purred as Lucy covered him up with his small blanket.

"I can't believe you just have this measly thing", Lucy observed, before taking out a gray blanket and wrapping the curled up Rogue in it. Rogue purred even more, before slightly opening his eyes to Lucy's surprise. He looked at her with his red eyes, before a small grin creeped on his face, one of the first Lucy had ever seen.

"Gomensai", he whispered groggily.

"Sorry for what?" Lucy said startled. It was like the beast has awoken.

"For taking your time" Rogue told her.

Lucy gave one long look. "It's worth seeing you".

Rogue raised an eyebrow.

"-seeing you heal".

* * *

><p><strong>Alright so me and Farry45 are so sorry for taking so long but stuff happened and Mashima decided that all the dragons would sort of die and Igneel couldn't be buried properly and then we got slapped in the face (But we ALL saw this coming) that Natsu was E.N.D.<strong>

**Good news, we are in a AU now!**

**Bad news: WHY CHAPTER 416? WHY?**

**Review if your mind was blown by this chapter.**

**(I honestly didn't think E.N.D. didn't stand for anything at that it was just a cool acronym. WRONG!) **

**Last Note: Sprintjump told Farry a MAJOR revelation. Remember in the Laxus arc where no one over 80 could get out of the rune-enchantment thing? Gajeel and Natsu couldn't because their dragons were INSIDE of them! **

**Dances around and sings ******I JUST MADE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND*******

**FOLLOW AND FAVORITE FARRY45 BECAUSE SHE RANTS AT ME! ALSO HAPPY LALU WEEK WHICH I'M NOT PARTICIPATING IN BECAUSE I'M LAZY! **

**FOLLOW FARRY45's LALU WEEK COLLECTION!**

**Toodles! -Farry45 and Sprintjump**

_**Review! PM us on your thoughts on 416!**_


	6. A Quick Chapter 6

Oh. She just cared about his health. Of course. He shouldn't have been thinking of anything other than that. And he felt so selfish for wanting anything other than that.

But, truth be told, he wished Lucy would come see him just because she wished to. Just because he was her happiness.

He never would be, right? He wasn't a knight in shining armor (because shadows don't shine), and never he never would be.

He would always be a wannabe. It was a cruel, sick joke for heaven to send down this lovely maiden, but never let him have her and hold her. She would always be kept at bay, just out of his reach.

Besides, she didn't even like him that way.

So why does he even try?

"-ogue? ROGUE! Did you hear me? I've asked you if you were okay like twenty times now."

"Gomensai Lucy-san. I was just... thinking of something..."

"Oh," Lucy laughs, "that's fine! But are you doing well?"

He nods slightly.

"That's good! I was worried about you and those nasty cuts. Do they still hurt a lot?"

"Ah... well, not much. But I will get better soon. I do not wish to worry you."

He tried to get up, to show he was okay, to show he strong, but it felt like twenty more beer bottles had just been thrown across his already worn back. He snarled and collapsed back into the bed while Lucy rushed to ease him back down.

"Liar", she hissed. "I would Lucy-Kick you, but your already messed up."

Rogue made a disbelieving noise. He curled back up facing Lucy, trying to keep a straight face. Rogue sniffed the air.

"Did you make that soup?" He asked.

Lucy laughed and pulled out the thermal from the bag. "Yeah. It's pretty much the only thing I can cook". She opened the thermal and the scent of creamy broth, chicken, and peas wafted through the air.

"Please?" Rogue asked shyly.

He watched as she left to get some bowls from the pantry. Rogue was left alone with soup. Heavenly soup.

Why did the fairy want to visit him? He sat debating. Maybe it was just her humanity, after all. Even though he tried to convince himself that that was the truth, Lucy...he wanted her. He want to lay be her side and hug her close. He wanted it to be the two of them together. He wanted to hold her face, to kiss her and tell her he loved her and that she was his.

"Rogue?" Lucy asked, returning with the eating wear. "Are you sure you're up to it?"

"What?" Rogue asked, confused.

"I'm not sure if you're up for feeding yourself soup".

Rogue grinned again. "It doesn't hurt as much when I feed myself as to when I try to get up. I can't wait until I'm healed."

Grunting, Rogue pulled himself up, took the bowl of soup, and put it next to him. He looked back at her, at the blonde who was watching him ever so closely. Her golden hair was slightly off, she was sitting across from him on the opposite side of the bed, and she was looking at...

He followed her gaze. She was looking at his exposed abs.

He cleared his throat, watching her blush and look away.

"Um...try the soup?" she said quickly, trying to save herself.

Rogue inwardly smiled. She was funny when trying to climb out of the hole she had dug for herself.

He put a spoonful of the soup in his mouth. For a simple dish, it tasted extremely high end. It had to be her upbringing.

"Lucy, it tastes amazing ", Rogue told her. Lucy shyly smiled.

"I trust Sting hasn't abused his dominance due to your situation?" Lucy asked.

Rogue shrugged. "I told me if he wanted to do anything to me, then he'd have to help me shower. I believe I have throughly protected myself from his advantage and have scared him off for quite a long time".

Lucy turned red and laughed. "Wow".

Rogue shrugged. "It's chased him away".

Lucy scooted a bit closer as Rogue finished the last bit of his soup. "Are you okay?"

Rogue raised an eyebrow. "I told you I'm-"

"You don't understand Rogue. I mean are you okay after everything that's happened this year?" Lucy told him, grabbing his hand.

It was future him. He wanted to forget about everything about that.

"Yes", he said shakily, to the person whose future self was killed by his own. She was looking at him with large eyes. She squeezed his hand.

"Can I ask you something?" Lucy asked.

Rogue nodded.

"When we're telling Igneel, Grandeeney, and Metalicana about the GMGs, Skiadrum left to find you after we told him and Weisslogia you called yourself Ryos. Why do you call yourself that?"

Rogue closed his eyes.

"My mother gave me that name".

Rogue sighed, and Lucy squeezed his palm.

"I've lost my family too. I understand".

Rogue let out a relieving breath and gingerly puts himself in a more comfortable position. He looks at the Celestial Spirit mage.

Wide eyed. Blonde. Beautiful. With the sunlight reflecting off of her tanned skin, he had to say this was the image of perfection. It was just so appealing... tempting...

Temptation must eventually be given in too at some point or the other, and Rogue had come to the end of the line.

Before Rogue even knew what he was doing, he grabbed her face in his hands and pressed his lips onto hers. Her lips were soft and thoroughly addictive and... and...

And she wasn't kissing back.

Mind you, her mind hasn't processed what he was doing, but he didn't know that.

Rogue, thinking that he had been directly rejected, removes his lips and hands from her face slowly and carefully.

Her lips are swollen and slightly bruised, and he was glad that he had finally kissed the woman, but she had rejected him.

This hurt even worse than being indirectly rejected, and that in itself hurt like heck.

Somebody is probably going to bust through the door, Rogue predicts. People were constantly breaking Lucy and Rogue's time together, so it should be happening soon.

Only it wouldn't. This time, Rogue and Lucy had to be mature adults and work out their problems and feelings.

Lucy knew it, too.

When he had spontaneously kissed her, she had been so surprised that she couldn't move. When she had finally gotten back to her senses, he had moved away.

She kind of... sort of... missed them.

(But she would never tell that to a soul. She was too embarrassed.

And, it may have been her _real_ first kiss. But don't anyone tell that, either.)

But, before she got ahead of herself and started to lean into kiss him again, she so hopefully wanted it to happen many, many more times, they'd have to sort out everything.

Starting with Future Rogue.

"Uh.. um, Rogue I-I need to speak with you about, um, Future You."

And they sat there is silence in the mist of the awkwardness, both of them red and embarrassed.

And Frosch is peering through the window, having seen the most heated parts of the moment, enjoying her fish.

"He killed the Future Lucy. Igneel told me."

And then you ask why people don't trust dragons.

"O-okay. Um... I... I like you. Like, a lot. But, I'm not sure if I can...," she takes in a deep breath, "if I can trust you. I've never had a boyfriend before, and I don't want to go through that kind of... heartbreak..."

Rogue nods. That's understandable; the trust issues. But how could she even remotely like him after what had happened.

"I know that you're not him! You're completely different." Lie. They were very alike. "But... he still... did that..."

He takes her hands in his, and looks her in the eye.

"Lucy, I am... I am... I am in love with you."

Her eyes widen at this. He was confessing. To her. That's... amazing...

"And, I am a dragon. I like stealing gold, diamond and treasure from other people, and never giving it back. That's what you are. Pure diamond, gold, and Fairy Tail's hidden treasure. And I don't want to give you back. I know that we'll have our problems, but please. Please let me be with you."

What was she supposed to do, now!? This was all too much!

"I... I don't know Rogue..."

"Then let me try. When I get out of this bed, let me try. Let me take you out on a date. I promise you, Lucy Heartfilia, that I will treat you like the princess you are, and make you the happiest woman alive."

Try... She can start there...

"Okay. I-I'll try."

He smiles slightly at her.

"Thank you. It's getting late. You should head home."

"Yeah, I guess I should. Bye."

She begins to stand up.

Rogue begins to move his hands to her face again, but stops upon the realization of what he was planning to do. So, instead, he decides (attempts) to make it look like a wave (and fails miserably).

With that, she walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>"Rogue asked me out", Lucy whispers.<p>

Lucy blushed as she walked away from the home after the 'visit'. Stuff went down, some very serious junk did.

Rogue was supposed to be calm and ghostly, but then...BAM! the next thing she knew was being kissed and then sorting out apparent trust issues. They could have went better was the understatement of the year.

At least no one saw them, that was good, or at least that was what Lucy was trying to believe. There could have been Sting peering under the door, Frosch hidden in some pillow, or a Happy hiding in the curtains, already have rushed back to the guild to report it and spread the word. Soon there'd be Sorcerer's Weekly and then Jason and then this whole giant scandal out of one accidental kiss...

But it wasn't accidental, it was like something had changed in Rogue as he had looked at her in those last few moments. His purrs should have been a warning, then how he had played out when she was caught..erm...looking.

Walking aimlessly, Lucy raised her hand to her lips. She'd gotten kissed by a dragon slayer. What did that mean? Was she Rogue's mate or just some girl pulled under her spell as such a prime example in Sting?

"So, Mard Geer, do you understand the plan?"

"Yes I do, demon Mage."

"Do you, Steve?"

"Yes! I am Sk- err- STEVE! Yes, I am Steve! ...uh... what did you ask again?"

"Do you understand the plan?"

"Yes! Steve understands the plan!"

"Good." She nods in a random direction. She wasn't certain where the probably-a-ghost was.

"I will be leaving now." Mard Geer states as he leaves wherever the hell they were.

~Lucy's House~

Lucy opens her apartment's front door, enters the room, and closing it behind her.

She was used to finding Natsu sleeping, Gray with a lack of clothes on, Erza eating cake, or the occasional Wendy (who would be knocked out having fainted after peeking at Lucy's [very, very impressive] lingerie collection), but she did NOT expect to find Mard Geer, she thinks it was, alive, sitting at her dinner table, drinking tea.

Tea!? This... this badass evil demon is drinking tea!?

Mard Geer breaths in deeply, remembering the lines he had practiced over and over (damn the demon Mage) for the past... well, he didn't know how long he practiced, or where he had practiced.

Actually, neither did the Mage, nor Steve.

"Are you an angel?" He ventures. "Because you cleanse me of my darkness."

What?! Now he was using lame pick up lines?!

There was a demon. In her house. Drinking tea. Using pick up lines. While drinking tea.

"I'm heartless. Mind if I have yours?"

Don't laugh...

"Is your daddy a Baker? Because you've got a nice set of buns!"

Oh Mavis help her! It felt like she couldn't breath, much less summon a spirit because of her laughter.

"I may have lost END, but I'll never let you out of my arms."

She was going to die.

"I'd give you my heart, but you already have it."

Her laughter had to be heard from a mile over.

"I want you to become a demon, so that you can live with me forever."

Morbid and depressing.

"I may want Zeref's soul, but I want your body."

Was he related to Makarov?

"Losing you is the only sin I'd ever regret."

Yeah right, all the more funnier.

"I love Zeref, but I'd become a heterosexual for you."

OKAY SHE WAS FLOOR.

"I lose my breath when I see you. Mind performing CPR?"

CURLING UP INTO A BALL.

And then it went black and smelled like potatoes.

* * *

><p>The plan was a success so far, although Lucy wasn't supposed to faint from laughter, but it worked.<p>

At least that's what Metalicana believed from what he saw.

(Have you ever seen a random iron pole? Yeah, well that's probably the iron dragon in his element form.)

He couldn't wait to see the Celestial Mage and Shadow Dragon Slayer together. He wanted his own cat- he means brat, Gajeel, to pair them together in the end, as Metalicana had done with the Celestial and Shadow Dragons.

It was his only dream!

Besides seeing over two hundred cats at the same time of course.

Cats came first. Brats came last.

That's the way the cookie crumbles in his life.

Skiadrum had this master plan going, something Metalicana enjoyed watching work. Metalicana had started feel the grandparent urges as well, but he had an even greater problem on his part, a genetic one. Levy was small, she had small genes. Gajeel was Bigfoot, he had tall genes. Little baby on small Levy was a good thing, but a big baby on her tiny frail little body and that wouldn't end well. Metalicana understood, being the odd cold yet cuddly thing he was to his cat- BRAT. The thing was, Metalicana had to get on the spoils when Rogue finally gave Skiadrum a fluffy human kitten.

Anyway, back to the present. Metalicana wanted everything to happen just as it had in his generation. Gajeel needed to fix the Lucy-Rogue problem just as Metalicana had with Skiadrum and...

And her. She was gone now, no need to dwell on it.

The Brat (HA-HA NOT CAT!) needed to help those two. It was tradition...no it was prophecy! It had to be done, just like all those centuries ago.

But this time would be different! There would be many human kittens that Skiadrum will share and there will be cats.

And maybe one day Metalicana would have his own personal human kitten!

(Let's be honest, the only dragon whose not a phyco is Grandeeney, and that's just because Wendy is still her BABY!)

Well really, there are no sane dragons.

…

* * *

><p>DRAGON GUIDE:<p>

Metalicana- Cat obsessed

Grandeeney- Sane

Skiadrum- Babies

Weissologia- player

Igneel- obsession with the color pink

Nictrilli- ORGANIZED DESTRUCTION

The pick-up lines were all Farry45. OMG she is AMAZING! I DIED WRITING THIS!

Review people. Sorry if it's a little OOC


	7. An Anticipated Chapter 7

She had disappeared many, many, many years ago, but to her, she had no concept of time or of the age. She had been locked and sealed away, frozen in a pocket between the place _there _and the place _here_. She would have never awoken, be it not that she had been stirred by that one Heartfilia girl. The power she possessed and yet untapped…..it reminded her of another Heartfilia who she had had the chance of meeting once before. She possessed the rarest keys, one of the rarest magics, and the trapped one's element. Perhaps this had awoken her?

She had watched her from now and then, such as the horrid time on Tenroujima, oh how she had hated Acnologia with his apocalyptic ways! She had forced back into the stillness, then awakened again when the Eclipse Gate had opened. She had been so close to entering the world, but she had saw…..things.

Her little Ryos, her son torn apart because of seeds of evil. She wanted to reach out to him, to scream at him that she was right there, that she saw everything and she was okay and that she was trying to come home. She wanted to defeat the future Ryos, to banish him because he was not her son, he was from a place beyond, some other dimension. No matter what she tried, he couldn't see or reach her, and in turn, she was kept from son once again.

So now, the dragon's soul trapped as pure celestial energy watched as the Heartfilia was being carried in a potato sack by a supposedly dead demon, and why in the world her mate and Metalicana were following from a distance like giddy little children. A jumping metal pole and a moving shadow in the middle of the street just isn't normal. Not matter the circumstances.

Well, there are no sane dragons.

* * *

><p>Would he be rejected?<p>

Rogue didn't want Lucy to reject him. He hoped, with all of his shadowy heart, that she'd love him too. Or accept him. Just holding the beautiful woman in his arms would be a huge slice of heaven.

He sits up, stretching his sleepy arms as far as possible.

Then, he realizes that he can stretch his arms. As far as possible. Looking down, he noticed that his wounds were practically completely healed! Thank God for Porlyusica and her crazy ways!

Looking to his right, he saw that the canteen with Lucy's marvelous soup was empty, but still need to give it back.

Also, he STILL hadn't given her back her wallet. What the hell was wrong with him!? He as such a hoarder of many things, mainly a wallet, a canteen of soup, and basic necessities.

He gets out of his bed and stretches his legs and walks around aimlessly for a bit, hoping it would help.

That is, until Porlyusica bursts into the room from the guest bedroom.

With a burning broom, of all things.

She starts running at him and waving the broom around yelling, "Get outta here, you stinky, smelly human! Ungrateful brat! This is why I don't like humans!"

What?

On instinct he runs out of the door. He didn't mean to stay for so long.

Oh.

Wait a second!

"Hey!_ This is my house!"_

* * *

><p>Gajeel woke up to the sound of Levy's scolding voice.<p>

However, he hardly noticed it. He was as hungry as heck, and there, on the ground, was an iron pole.

It shouted at him, but whisper-shouted, because apparently the blue Mage did not hear.

"Baka!"

Gajeel narrows his eyes.

"Who the hell are you?

The script Mage is looking at Gajeel like he's an idiot, the pole notices, and the pole is very satisfied.

"WHOOOOOH! I am your conscious...Nah. Who the hell do you think it is?"

Gajeel snorts.

"Why would I ask ya if I knew?"

"Cause you're a damn idiot", says the metal pole.

The metal pole now noticed that Gajeel's mate is trying to drag him away, to no avail.

"Who are you calling an idiot, iron bastard?"

"You", it answers. "But we shall talk about this later. I need you to do something."

Gajeel frowns at the iron talking pole. What would a pole want him to do?

"What is it?"

"I need you to fulfill tradition my cat- BRAT," the iron pole answered.

"I am not a brat." He sighs. "Never mind. I'm not going to sit here listening to a pole insult me."

The iron dragon slayer begins to stand up.

"No no wait! Gajeel!"

The pole does this weird hopping thing like its possessed and Levy screams and runs off. Said demonic iron pole started rolling down the hill with no apparent off switch.

Gajeel, noticing this just in time, runs after it.

"Wait, you damn, possessed pole!"

"I can't wait because APPARENTLY GRAVITY WORKS!" The pole screams as its rolling downhill.

Gajeel switches to his super awesome, cool looking shadow mode and quickly runs in front of the iron, stopping it from moving. He then picks it up, placing it in front of his tanned face.

"Now what do ya want!?"

"I need you to fulfill the prophecy!" says the pole. "The stars and shadows must unite as one!"

"What fucking stars and shadows are you talking about!?"

"It's something you don't need to know about at this moment. Right now Lucy is being carried away in a potato sack by Mard Geer. Rogue needs to save her. Make it happen."

The pole does this weird hopping ghost pogo stick impression, then flops on the floor.

"Well?"

"Why would I want my sist- ahem - Lucy to be saved by Rogue?"

No way was he letting his son near the woman!

"Life's unfair, face it and take it. This has all happened before. I didn't want Nictrilli to end up with shadow-loser but guess what? YOU REALLY GET TIRED OF ALL THAT EYE SEX THAT GOES ON!"

"No way am I letting Lucy and Rogue have eye sex!"

"It's a real thing, and hell is it annoying. The solution was to stuff them in a cave and block the entrance. I was lucky I got away from her wrath with only a missing toe. It grew back though", the pole shuffled a bit.

Gajeel looked the pole up and down, convinced that something was wrong with it.

It didn't have any toes!

"Wait... Titania and Jellal have eye sex all the time, now that I think about it..."

(A.N. We apologize for not having enough Jerza love in this fic. My, Farry45's, deep, everlasting love for Lucy gets in the way.)

"Exactly! It's annoying and sometimes you just want to hand them a condom and get out of there, but do that later! You need to get Rogue to the aquarium to save Lucy that way I can have kittens!" The pole shouted jumping up and down. It began to roll away.

Kittens...

Sister...

Condoms...

Sister...

Condoms...

Why did Gajeel have a nagging feeling that the pole was referring to incest?

Either way, be it consensual sex or incest that the iron was speaking of, Gajeel ran over and grabbed the hard headed (pun intended) pole.

"Let go of me! You know the way! Don't grab me, I got to meet up with Skia-I mean, Steve!"

"Who the hell is Steve! Your strip club owner?"

(A series of 'ooooooh's could be heard in the background.)

"Just shut up and go get the boy!"

He pouts.

Gajeel. Redfox. Pouts.

"Why the hell should I?"

* * *

><p>"Why are you following me Frosch?"<p>

Rogue is walking through the streets of Magnolia, heading to a certain guild's building to look for the celestial mage he had impulsively kissed and had backed into a corner after confessing his newfound urge to love her. He felt the urge to talk to Lucy again, and had set out for Fairy Tail, with Frosch (whom he believed didn't know anything) who was insisting on following his parent.

"Fro wants to come on your date".

"Fro!" Rogue was looking at his froggy exceed with surprise and genuine horror. Frosch was Frosch, and it was just a matter of time before she spilled delicate secrets after being manipulated by certain annoying blue cat that would do anything to get paid in fish.

"Fro saw_ everything_", she giggled.

Rogue stared at her. And stared. And stared just a little bit more.

"Define _'everything._'"

The exceed stares back at him for a moment before tears start to well up in her eyes.

"Fro doesn't know how to define such a big word! Fro is supposed to be a big, smart exceed, worthy of the Sabertooth guild mark! Fro isn't! Fro is so sorry!"

Panicking, Rogue quickly starts patting her head gently in a awkwardly comforting way.

On the way to his destination (A.N. aka, the guild in which we do not speak of because MASHIMA WANTED TO JUST DISBAND THEM), he spent a lot of time thinking of the blonde who had managed to capture his heart in, like, three days, because the authors were idiots and didn't add any time skips. However, he liked the authors very much, so he decided that he wouldn't send them a Shadow Dragon Slayers Roar, but just continue to think of his beloved's eyes... and hair... and lips... and breas-

Dammit! He was spending too much time with Sting!

However, even though he has advanced senses, he did not think anything of the shadow that seemed to be following him on the walls and, if possible, glaring at the metal pole that was hopping around and looked like it was possessed. Nor did he care for the distinct smell of Mard Geer in Magnolia, even though the demon had never been there, or the sound of flapping wings.

He didn't think anything of it. At all.

He was too busy comforting his exceed, begging said exceed to let him in on all the details later, and daydreaming of what Lucy would look like in a bathing suite.

Or, better yet, lack of...

"What's Rogue-sama thinking about?" Frosch asked.

Rogue, being torn from his dirty and perverted thoughts, racked his brain for a good lie to tell his adorably innocent exceed.

"Um..Fro, shouldn't you be with Lector?"

"Fro was, but Fro didn't want Lector to boss Fro around. Fro decided to follow Rogue and meet the Fairy again! Fro wanted to say hello to Fro's new mommy!"

Rogue stopped less than a block away from the guild hall in pure horror.

"No Fro it isn't like..….._that. _Rogue is just being….friendly….with Lucy-"

"You kissed her. Mommies and Daddies kiss."

Rogue choked on his breath.

"Fro you don't understand….that was just a Dragon Slayer impulse", he tried to explain.

"So that means you kiss Sting?"

Hopeless. _Hopeless._

"No, Frosch I don't kiss Sting. I'm not like that."

"Than do you kiss everyone?"

"No, only people who are really, really special. You may not understand now, but you'll understand some day Frosch. Some day."

"Fro thinks that Rogue-sama is special. Should Frosch kiss Rogue?"

Rogue send the exceed a bewildered look. No way was he doing that!

"No, Frosch. That's called bestiality. And it's illegal. You, little girl, want to date a handsome exceed one day. Like Happy. You should date him."

It was the stupidest thing to ever say, but damn! He did not have time to deal with this.

"Well, Frosch wants a Mommy! Lucy Cheney is a pretty mommy name! Fro loves it so much!"

Again, the dragon slayer sends the exceed a bewildered look. She said 'Lucy Cheney,' instead of Heartfilia. As much as Rogue agreed that it was beautiful. And pretty. And downright amazing. And just gorgeous. He disagreed with referring to her like that yet. That's an infringement of her rights! Or, at least he thinks so...

Better yet, let the exceed believe what she wants.

"Frosch, just go and have fun in the city, okay? I know that you can use the city map to get home".

That complete sentence is a lie, but he just really wants to be alone. With Lucy. Somewhere. Why was that shadow following him? Anyway, alone.

"Fro will go, but Fro wants to see Fro's new mommy later!"

The pink exceed proceeded to retrace her steps, so Rogue began his way to the great guild's doors….

And went under them. Like literally. There are a lot of shadows near those doors, and it's not like Skiadrum hasn't taught his sone the art of being a shaow. It comes in handy when the object of the game is to spy, especially on unsuspecting human females that have just finished bathing. Skiadrum had prepared his son for these days!

Sneaking along the guild, Rogue looked for _her_. She was nowhere to be found. He had just ended upstairs, watching a certain barmaid send her man on his way. As soon as the 2nd generation dragon slayer was down the stairs, the barmaid went behind one of the doors.

Then, she bust back through the doors, and in a high pitched voice screamed out:

"Rogue I know you're here! Lucy has been captured by a very attractive male!"

...what? What did she say? And-

Oh no! Absolutely no way was he letting a male, nonetheless a very attractive one (he had a feeling that she would fall for a man's beauty) touch his damn woman!

"His hair was so handsome! His jawline was just perfect! And, oh dear God, his voice was just so low and sexy! But, it's okay. You're um... something... too! Anyway, you've got to go save Lucy from him!"

Rogue's sparkly crimson eyes widen considerably at the news, and immediately rushes back out of the guild, attempting to catch a whiff of rainbows.

Through this, he thankfully doesn't notice the blonde dragon slayer of Fairy Tail and the yellow squirrel thing nearly destroy the place in jealousy. How dare his woman speak like that about another man!

Catching the scent, he follows it to an aquarium…..

Where he will destroy his rival!

* * *

><p>So like, SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! We have had very busy lives, and we had End of Terms, so that was a big thing. I got a new puppy who nearly killed my computer that this chapter on it, I went to Farry's house for the FIRST TIME EVER. I found FARRY will move, which SUCKS. Also, I went to her house and being the antisocial people we are, We just sat on her bed and read and wrote and read and wrote fanfiction, and on Farry's Lalu week, when She just finished I was right next her, and the review I wrote just says it all:<p>

S**printjump chapter 4 . Jan 24**

**Hi. I just sat next to you and said that this was amazing, so I say it again. It was amazing.**


	8. An Amazing Chapter 8

Quickly getting to his destination, Rogue bursts into the building that following Lucy's scent led to, and, from there, finds Mard Geer in an office type room with Lucy next to him in loose chains wearing a potato sack over her head.

"You know, even Phantom Lord did a better job and kidnapping me. They kept me locked away in a room very far from Fairy Tail, but you chose right next to it. I don't mean to be such a perfectionist, but you could've done far better, Mard Geer. And- oh, who's here?"

...what? What is she talking about?

Well, it doesn't matter anyway. MARD GEER WILL PAY FOR DAMAGING LUCY HEARTFILIA!

He begins to ready his Shadow Dragon Slayers Roar when Mard Geer abruptly stands up and slams his palms onto the table.

"You know what?! I'm done with this! I have a life to live, and I'm not going to spend it following some stupid humans words! Goodbye Steve! I'd hate to ruin such fun moments we've had, but I'M LEAVING!"

With that, he jumps out of the window that is behind him and quickly runs off to live said life. (If he has one. Are demons even alive?)

What. The. FUDGE.

Rogue has seen the anger and force of Mard Geer, but as soon as the slightest whiff of a shadow happens, he's GONE.

Rogue needed to prove his worth, to show future mate that their future partner could save them and fix everything! Not this, 'I'M RETIRING', shit! Rogue had to show mate that Rogue could defeat enemies! That Rogue has worth! That Rogue was worthy of procreating with a female!

Eesh, there was a little bit of Skiadrum on that last one.

But no! 'I'm retiring'. IM RETIRING! What man (coughing*demon*coughing*) has less self confidence that Sting after taking a bath? Seriously? Rogue had to show off! He had to PROTECT mate!

Even if mate didn't know she was mate! Yet.

"Yeah! You better run! This is the power of Fairy Tail!" Lucy shouts, gaining Rogue's attention.

However, as soon as Mard Geer left, so did the Roar, sending it into the window, even though the demon was already gone. (Rogue was pretty certain that he killed a few birds.)

When done, he walks up to Lucy and quickly breaks the chains and removes the ugly, musty, mouldy bag from her head and hugs her. Luckily, she doesn't smell like Mard Geer. That's good. He might've killed himself for not coming sooner had she been raped.

"Huh?"

You see, Lucy isn't very fast at grasping this situation. Especially when she thought that she was saved by Natsu at first, then it turns out to be the guy who just confessed to her the night before.

Rogue is just thankful to have her in his arms.

"What are you doing?" Lucy shouts as Rogue realizes he is sniffing her. "Where'd he go?"

Rogue points out the window, still sniffing the scent of rainbows. He should have bottled it, patented it, and sold it to millions.

"Why in the world are you here?"

Lucy, on the other hand, is very shaken by Rogue's sudden appearance. Where did he come from?

"I.. um, you see... I..." attempting to explain, he takes in a very deep breath, "MirajanetoldmethatyouwerebeingheldcaptivebyaveryattractivemansoIranhereinjealousy."

"Can you say that slower?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, this is awkward. I should probably head to the guild to tell them that I'm okay."

"Mhm."

"..."

"Mmm..."

"Can you let go of me?"

He lets go of her, albeit reluctantly, and grabs her hand as he leads her back to Fairy Tail.

"What are you doing?" Lucy yells as she was dragged by the hand, Rogue's grip firm. He doesn't let go.

"Hey! Can you let go?!"

"No."

Figures.

"Rogue! What are you doing? Why were trying to see me? WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?"

She pulls her hand away while they're just steps from the guild and looks at at Rogue whose face is downcast as her touch was yanked away from his hand. As soon as she spits her fouls words out, she immediately regrets them as she dark scarlet eyes widen and fallen in the sadness, and the slightest hint of jealousy flicks across them.

"I wasn't done confessing".

"Rogue-"

Lucy stands there in shock. He wanted to merely compliment her? What was it with dragon slayers?

Lucy didn't know how they knew their mate was THE one. Gajeel seemed to have always known, as did Natsu, but Wendy just sort of latched onto Romeo and wouldn't let go, scaring Macao to death thinking his son was to be married on the spot. (Ensue many daydreams of flat chested bride Wendy, Steal-your-man Cheila, and a pathetically emotional Macao)

Maybe Rogue had a Wendy moment.

"Rogue..." Lucy says again.

He turns to face her, grabbing her other hand.

"Lucy, you're my 'mate.' A mate is someone that I'll spend the rest of my life with. I love her with all of my heart, and only wish happiness on her. I guess what I'm asking is; are you okay with this?"

"Are you asking me to marry you?"

He inwardly face palms. She's reading into too much.

Mind you, he loves her intelligence, but what he is saying isn't that he wants to marry her...

Yet...

"No, I'm just finishing up my confession because I missed your lips." With that, he leans in to kiss her.

With her rainbow scented body pressed against his, her soft lips against his, and a brand new world at their fingertips, he can die happy.

Until his father in his Shadow-mode screams.

"My babies! My beautiful babies! Mirajane, all of my dreams will come true! HEAVEN IS IN THE HORIZON! Soon enough, they'll be kissing without their clothes on, and I'll be there to over look that babies ARE made!"

Rogue immediately (and sadly) breaks from the kiss.

"God, Dad! What kind of sick mind do you have?! You don't watch your son and his love do th-that!"

"I NEED PROOF THAT BABIES ARE BEING MADE!"

Immediately, Lucy blushes, and she automatically realized that a giant dragon cannot fit in Magnolia, so there is a real bit of confusion. She hates to think the dragon is 'spying' but really destroyed half the town and splattered a few townsfolk.

Then she see the shadow that isn't connected to anything, and it's flowing white eyes are staring directly at them.

"Kiss harder!"

"Oh god FATHER! What the hell did you see?"

On the other end of the street there was a possessed metal pole spying from a bush.

"Well, Gajeel was late so-" says said shadow.

"ROGUE! A jumping metal pole told me to do this!"

From a distance, Gajeel comes out of nowhere and suddenly stops as he sees Lucy and Rogue together.

"Well, I guess I'm late."

Lucy turns the deepest blush possible and covers her face with embarrassment, possessively hiding it in Rogue's clothes. God, he was nice. And warm. Tall, dark, handsome-  
><em><br>Lucy Cheney._

So he wasn't asking her for her hand or kneeling on one knee, he was just telling her that she was his soul mate, that primal instincts that never fail had told him Lucy needed to be his. The flattery was immeasurable. She hadn't felt like that before ever, the warm fuzzy feeling similar to a first love, but it was different. A last love.

Oh god the giant black splotch on the ground was watching her blush. She turned to Rogue, and sure enough he was blushing too.

"I understand very little of what's going on", he whispered.

"To you I'm old but not deaf!" says the shadow. "Now have sex!"

"Fuck it." Gajeel whispers.

And with that, he runs up to Lucy and Rogue. And handcuffs them together.

"Mirajane placed a spell on it so that it won't open until you both are in love. But, I'm not sure how she found the time to from that tree," Gajeel states.

"Oh my God! Mira! You were watching us this whole time!" Lucy yells.

Oh dear God. Mirajane will never stop teasing Lucy ever again. Why couldn't the demon busy herself with someone like Wendy. Wendy needs more love advice. She hasn't let go of Romeo's arm since... she counts it on her fingers, confusing everybody present... last week!

"My job is done here, now that my favorite couple has finally hooked up. Can't wait to see the blonde haired red eyed babies and the black haired brown eyed babies, Lucy! Become pregnant as soon as you're ready!"

And, with that, she jumps from the tree and walks away. (But it's okay. She's just going to hang out with Elfman and play a MANLY game of chess. She won't leave forever like Mard Geer.)

"No! Not when you're ready! Remove of all of your clothes now! I want babies! I want babies! Gimme the fucking babies already!"

Oh no! Skaidrum just cursed! From Rogue's experience, he only does that when he's lost his patience! Putting two and two together, Skaidrum will try to... NO! He won't let Skaidrum force Lucy into doing that yet!

"LOOK! SPARKLES!"

The outburst comes out of nowhere and so do the sparkles, but Rogue is dragging Lucy as she tries to keep pace.

That just happened.

"Hurry! Dad is fast as hell and we are in the sun! That means we cast his own mode of transportation!"

Rogue pulls Lucy around a corner into what looks like an entrance to a park and he drags her sharply behind the brick wall, the two tumbling as the small black splotch zooms past the walkway.

"No! Oh god Mirajane why?" Says Lucy as she holds her wrist. "This cannot be happening!"

Rogue's face is neutral as he inspects the cuffs.

Then they break. They just break. And Gajeel, who had been following them because NOBODY MESSES WITH AN IMPATIENT DRAGON, just gawks.

"What?" Rogue asks Gajeel as he looks at the cuffs on the ground.

"They only come off when... the people who have them on are in love..."

Rogue turns to look a blushing Lucy in the eye.

(Lar Har says the authors! And from a Farry45 we hear a YOSH!)

"My awkward confessions and severe loss of pride and dignity were not in vain." He whispers.

"What'd you say, R-Rogue? And what n-nonsense are you talking about, G-Gajeel?"

"My son and sister are in love. My son and sister are in love! MY SON AND SISTER ARE IN LOVE! MY FAMILY TREE IS RUINED! Curse you, damn possessed pole!"

"Ca-brat! It was for the better! The shadows and stars are now combined as one, again! Just like me with Nictrilli and Skaidrum, you have fulfilled the prophecy!"

In that moment, time stops. And everything makes sense.

Mirajane + Skaidrum = try to make Lucy and Rogue a couple

Mirajane + Necromancy = Mard Geer

Mirajane + Skaidrum + Mard Geer = Lucy gets kidnapped after laughing so much that she faints

Metalicana + Gajeel - a Gajeel who thinks of Lucy as a sister and Rogue as a son and doesn't particularly want to do this = Try to pair Lucy and Rogue up like:

Metalicana + Empty Cave = makes Nictrilli and Skaidrum a couple

Steve = Skaidrum = shadow on the ground

Nictrilli + Skaidrum = Rogue

Metalicana's obsession with kittens + Skaidrum's addiction to babies = want Rogue and Lucy to reproduce

Then time continues, and Skaidrum is standing there shoving a condom into their faces.

(Rogue feels like he's the only one who sees the giant tear in the center of it)

"Oh. My. God."

There are no better words for the situation. It's very complex, anticipated, and holy shit were they making a scene.

Rogue slowly tugs Lucy in what seems like an embrace and whispers quickly in her ear:

"Hold your breath! You're not used to shadows!"

She immediately sucks in her breath, although Lucy isn't sure why she actually does. Rogue pulls her in extremely tightly, hugging her close, and the part of the park she can see is suddenly consumed by a giant black mass. It's like another world, and she is suddenly near the wall, the world having been pushed into a dark filter. She understands.

She and Rogue have been pushed into a shadow.

She feels his grip pull her up a little, and then the world blurs and she is pushes her face into Rogue's kimono.

When she looks up again, the world is normal. She is in someone's house, in someone's living room, with a pink and green exceed on the couch, hold a blonde Barbie™ and an ebony haired Ken™.

"Fro says: NOW KISS!"

The poor Barbies.

Rogue looks at his exceed playing with Barbies, then heads into the kitchen. It couldn't be past... 1 o,clock maybe. He should probably make some fo-

How the hell did Frosch get an ebony haired Barbie? Rogue had made sure to only get blue, red, blonde, or pink haired Barbies and Kens! So how in Kami's name did she get an ebony haired Ken?

"Dammit Sting! This is why you don't get to pick out birthday presents!"

Said Dragon Slayer quickly walks downstairs after being disturbed from his peaceful beauty sleep from the shout.

"What do you me- oh, hey Lucy! I didn't know that Rogue would take you home that quick! He must've picked up some moves while I wasn't looking!"

In Rogue's mind, he grabs a knife from the rack, swiftly turns around and throws it straight between Sting's eyes.

In real life, Rogue grabs a knife from the rack and starts cutting the carrots. Precisely. One after another. And shouts.

"For the love of God, Sting! I'm not that kind of guy!"

"Oh, yeah you're," the Light Dragon Slayer holds up his fingers in quotation marks "'Saving myself for someone I love.' Whatever, Rogue."

Rogue looks towards Lucy with a slight flicker of his eyes that reads: 'act naturally and don't say a word God knows what he'll do'.

Lucy turns pinks and Sting leans against the counter. "So how far did you get Rogue? Knowing you, her and you didn't do the nasty yet, so what? Did you feel her up?"

Sting regrets that he has a Shadow Dragon friend as soon as the dark mass that comes with the curse of light starts to drag him to the floor.

"Blonde call him! I'm too young to die! I don't Rogue to take over the world!"

As soon as his head hits the floor with a hard knock, the shadow obviously controlled by Rogue lets out its grip and slinks is gasping for air, and Lector and Frosch are making bets if a brotherly brawl starts. Sting starts to pull himself up.

"Sorry for asking then, you MOODY VIRGIN!"

The knife flies and it lands dangerously close to where the Light Dragon Slayer's head had been less than moments before.

"LUCY KICK".

First it's Sting, then Rogue. Sting has been kicked into the couch and sprawled on the floor, clutching his mostly manly of parts and turning purple. Rogue smashed into a wall, holding his chest and wheezing.

"What happened to passive and aggressive? Honestly you're are like GRAY AND NATSU HOPPED UP ON VIAGRA!"

(If they ever did get Viagra, it was probably from Elfman. MANLY)

With that, Lucy makes a promise to herself that she'd make sure that Sting can't see for a month.

Hai!

just saying, Farry's new crack Lucy the Cat (or something) is an AMAZING story! Go check it out! Seriously look at these snippets!

…...

Anyway, in the room there was this giant crystal with a woman in it who looked really, really pretty. The rapists shouldn't have been able to persuade such a beautiful woman! So she tried to find a place to open it, eventually deciding that it might be easiest to press the "DO NOT PRESS UNLESS END HAS BEEN REVIVED," button. Mainly because she has very mixed up senses, so to her it read "DONUTS ARE LESS LIKELY TO END THE WORLD," button. She likes donuts. ㈴2

…...

"Luke, I AM YOUR FATHER! And I forbid you from continuing to learn from Yoda until you start going to church every Sunday again!" kind of beating. It was scary!


End file.
